You know you live in Louisiana when...

...this is what you're buying at Wal-Mart:

Oh yes.

Bump It's.

Mousetraps.

Pregnancy test.

I've got flat hair, rodents, and I can't be reassured from normal pregnancy tests so I need the digital ones. Thank you, Elaine, for the baby fever that has descended upon our calm abode. Don't freak, I'm not prego, I just wanted to scare myself and maybe join the baby momma club the Louisiana way, unwed and poor as shit.

Will was acting all antsy during the purchase, and I thought it was because he was embarrassed that I got snippy with the sales clerk- note her long blue fingernails ("Can you please not touch those yet? I'm trying to take a picture"). Or maybe it was his dwindling tolerance of baby fever. But then in the car he admitted that he had been planning on getting me Bump It's for Christmas and now I had ruined it. Like I could wait till Christmas for Bump It's!